Figures

Went to the US Figure Skating Championships today. Womens free skate and Pairs final. One of my presents for Barb’s upcoming birthday. Great to see such athleticism up close, and close to home. It was all premium, pairs was especially impressive in its difficulty and coordination. And no, I’m not gay now.

Now we know. Next time we’ll come prepared with a “plushy cannon” to blast those little plushy post-performance congratulations down onto the ice with authority. Preferably singed and smoking.

Categories they’ve overlooked:

The People’s Plushy Award

Best use of rhinestones

Best back

Best expression by a partner while being held aloft one-handed

Deductions needed for:

Any makeup job that makes a 17 year-old look 40